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I have ceased drawing/painting/writing/etc for quite some time now and unfortunately, seem to be suffering because of it. My language is becoming less eloquent and my grammar and spelling is going downhill as well. It seems as though the saying "Use it or Lose it" is true in this situation. I would like to start writing again but I don't have any solid ideas or anything to really create with right now. I read some great boks by Johns Green which may have stifled my creativity in my head because I sit here and think 'How could I ever write something that good?.." but, whatever. My therapist says I have "the gift" so I need to pick it up again soon.
Since my last journal, I started taking anti-depressants, started talking to a psychologist, have been attending a trade school for about 6 months now, moved on from then-boyfriend and returned the lizard. I quite miss her to be honest. Now, I'm with a boy who makes me happy but we have our problems because of me. I mess things up a lot and I apologize and I try to make it better but sometimes, I make it worse and I'm sorry. I'm trying. I'm trying very, very hard..Give me time and I'll be better.
Maybe, I'll start a story with this or another series of poems, just to get everything out. I feel heavy and my spine always feels twisted and my mind is always somewhere else...
Also, I have quit the Cutco business. It was a hassle and basically required you to ruin all of your personal connections for their company and run your family and friend's families out of their money for some fancy (very high quality) knives. They harped on you and required you to call in at 8-9am every morning (including weekends) and report if you have appointments that day or not and if you say you don't continually, they tell you, pretty much, that you're not doing well and you're not gonna make any money (you were paid commission based on your sales and Cutco can't fire you because they considered you a partner, not an employee) and that is not motivating. So, I quit, spent some time looking for something else, went to interviews, tried very hard for things I wasn't interested in, did my best at an interview for something I was very interested in and have been working there since shortly before Christmas. It has great perks and they work with my schedule and I'm very happy to be working there except when I cant sleep, like tonight, and have to work at 8am to 5:30. ;D yayyyyy(not)
Anyway, I should try to sleep I suppose. Ugh. Tomorrow will be a fight.
Since my last journal, I started taking anti-depressants, started talking to a psychologist, have been attending a trade school for about 6 months now, moved on from then-boyfriend and returned the lizard. I quite miss her to be honest. Now, I'm with a boy who makes me happy but we have our problems because of me. I mess things up a lot and I apologize and I try to make it better but sometimes, I make it worse and I'm sorry. I'm trying. I'm trying very, very hard..Give me time and I'll be better.
Maybe, I'll start a story with this or another series of poems, just to get everything out. I feel heavy and my spine always feels twisted and my mind is always somewhere else...
Also, I have quit the Cutco business. It was a hassle and basically required you to ruin all of your personal connections for their company and run your family and friend's families out of their money for some fancy (very high quality) knives. They harped on you and required you to call in at 8-9am every morning (including weekends) and report if you have appointments that day or not and if you say you don't continually, they tell you, pretty much, that you're not doing well and you're not gonna make any money (you were paid commission based on your sales and Cutco can't fire you because they considered you a partner, not an employee) and that is not motivating. So, I quit, spent some time looking for something else, went to interviews, tried very hard for things I wasn't interested in, did my best at an interview for something I was very interested in and have been working there since shortly before Christmas. It has great perks and they work with my schedule and I'm very happy to be working there except when I cant sleep, like tonight, and have to work at 8am to 5:30. ;D yayyyyy(not)
Anyway, I should try to sleep I suppose. Ugh. Tomorrow will be a fight.
It's been a while..
I have stopped writing poems for now. Stopped drawing...Stopped really everything.
I graduated high school exactly 1 month go (as of yesterday), started a serious relationship just before then, broke a few hearts, including my own, had a few beers and a few cigarettes, wrote a class-winning story and have decided to go to a trade school to pursue the idea that I can be a radio host someday. I'm also working for the Vector/Cutco corporation. Selling knives. Wanting to stab myself with said knives because this job is the worst thing in the world. Aka, I'm quitting soon.
I'm babysitting a bearded dragon over the summer and I'm afraid of all th
bold what applies to you
I'm loud.
I'm sarcastic.
I cry easily.
I have a bad temper.
I'm easy to get along with.
I have more enemies than friends.
I've smoked
I drink coffee.
I clean my room daily.
My appearance:
I wear make-up.
I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.
I wear contacts.
I wear glasses.
I have braces.
I change my hair color often.
I have a piercing.
I have small feet.
Relationships:
I'm in a relationship now.
I'm single.
I'm crushin' fancyin'
I've missed an ex before.
I'm always scared of being hurt.
I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
I've been in love more than two times.
I believe in love at first sight.
My infos.
~VAMPIRE~
[x] You'd Rather Be Pale Than Tan. (I don't tan. I burn.)
[x] You Like To Eat Or Drink Red Things.
[x] You're Lustful/Sexual. (I -can- be)
[x] When You're Kissing Someone, You Tend To Bite Them.
[ ] You're Dark, Mysterious, And Seductive.
[ ] You've Tasted Your Own Blood Before And Liked It.
[x] Being Out In The Sun Too Long Makes You Feel Weak.
[x] You're graceful, lithe, and can appear threatening or dangerous to others.
[ ] You have incredible charm and can get people to do nearly anything.
[x] You're More Active At Night.
Total: 7/10
~INCUBUS/SUCCUBUS~
[x] You're Incredibly Lustful/Sexual.
[ ] Sex Is Almost
Stressed, Drama and Loneliness. [long]
Stress - to subject to stress or strain. Synonyms: anxiety, burden, pressure, worry.
School, Friends, Family. I'm doing good in school besides a few classes. I need to finish my community service hours for graduation. My new friends are pushing me to do service with them and I feel like because I've been without friends for the whole summer, I'm overly friendly with them, like creepy friend kind, and am scaring them away. Family always wants in on my personal business and my mom has been acting like a secretary of my life. She gives me a detailed list of the classes I'm not doing so well in and tells me I need to look into them and has been
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